the start of mankind

All major religions have failed in answering this fundamental question except scientology, fucking L Ron Hubbard guessed that shit though. Where they have failed, we have succeeded however. Mankind was put on earth by aliens, who made love to a volcano on the bottom of the ocean. The volcano, upon climaxing, spewed this vital essence into the earth's oceans. Thus creating all life as we know it. Evolution is a steamy sack of shit, created in an opium den by Charles Darwin. All fossil evidence is also fake and was planted by opium addicted archeologists. The fact that humans and primates share similar genetic information is explained thusly: in the volcano one of the eggs must have split into two, one being severly retarded and came out as primates. simple huh. This volcano is the secret location of heaven. Not high in the atmosphere as previously theorized (jet liners pilots have been searching for years.) Mankind's only hope for salvation is to reach this amazing location via a magical submarine. This is why we ask for all your monetary donations, not hookers and marijuana! only those who donate $100,000 or greater may know the warmth of heavens under water glow. Those who donate more will of course be holy-est and will have the best seats.